Papama- pappa's amma was the way I used to address my dear Tom Cat.
4th March 2016 was the day of a very sad demise of my paternal grandmother- my papama
Yes she was the Tom Cat and me Jerry little :)
We used to fight endlessly and have also loved each other unconditionally.
The grandmother-grand daughter relationship was indeed a roller-coaster ride. From being pampered to the core, to feeling insecure and negative; we've had all kinds of positive and negative experiences.
Going through the stack of photo albums, I feel so blessed to have been born in this family.
I can proudly say, I have been raised like a princess. Somewhere now the emptiness brings in weird thoughts. Every little thing keeps reminding me of you, Papama!
Looking back I feel all lost now. Your sad demise has now made our family of 6 members to just two. Life never stops surprising us. However the unpleasant surprises always seem a little long lived. But we must always hunt for the plus points :)
The Jaya Bachchan poster at bridge, your shelf, the dusty table in the drawing room reminds me of how you were a tiny sweet little lady resembling Jaya Bachchan(as per my observation), how you would never sit quiet for a single moment and would constantly keep working and cleaning.
Had you been here now, things would have been perfect. But there's also peace in leaving stuff here and there with a guarantee that you won't be cleaning and changing it's position and later engaging us in it's hunt on you being forgetful of it's new position.
Last Saturday when I reached early, I kept ringing the bell for a while and later realized that now is the time to use the extra keys which are always lying in my bag. Mom is always there to open the door when I reach home late night but your absence is always felt in bits and pieces.. in every small little incidences.
We still link you with something or the other. Looking at the recent photographs I still feel how destiny and time play games with us and life is just so unpredictable. Who knew a healthy you would drain down in a month's time and would not be with us today? :(
I have complained in and out regularly about you. You have been utterly strange in your behavior most of the times and I could understand your problems along with your old age- identity crisis and still have lost my cool over it.
The Tom and Jerry sessions were going on in full swing where all of a sudden things turned too serious. It is after you left, I've felt so empty all of a sudden.
How I wish I could make you feel better with your age problems and insecurity that made you behave in a strange way.!
I know you didn't do that purposely. I can understand what an emotional upheaval might be gushing inside you since years after your husband's and son's death that made you change your way of thinking than following the rational way.
How I wish I could be your counselor, a psychologist , a better friend to make things simpler!
How I wish I could hug you once more and then fight again the very few minutes later!
But yes, I was blessed to get a chance to take good care of you in December and whole of January :)
Amidst the career storm, being idle and feeling low, you kept me busy and away from my depressing thoughts. Soon we could share the happiness of my very much positive results and I was glad that you were able to register the same in such a serious health condition.
Sorry for being too strict with you those last few days but it was for your health. I knew it was way too uncomfortable for you but I just could not help.
I began to feel what growing up and being alone is all about when I began to lose the friend in you. There have been times in life, in families, in various relations when things change all of a sudden, where I could not share things freely the way I did or discuss any problem and there used to be times when you could not understand my behavior due to my suppressed thoughts and everything used to be totally messed up.
This is a common thing but sometimes we never know it might grow in too deep without our knowledge.
It is in your absence I reminisce those little joys, those incidences that bring a smile and sometimes makes me cry. Every tiny/weak senior citizen around reminds me of you.
Oh Papama! you were an important part of my life. How I wish we had a longer time of togetherness! How I wish you could see me excel in my future targets! I know you were a proud papama and sometimes I would end up being cranky over you for boasting my tiny immaterial achievements to everyone.
I have no regrets but then I really wish if I could make some more stuff better for all of us.
I know one has to go when the predetermined time arrives but the "How I wish..." never ends.
I'll miss you always dear papama :)
Hugs to you in the heaven :) pass them to dad and ajju as well.
A Month without YOU so far was inexpiable.
Thank you so much for pampering me to extent of making others feel jealous :)
Thank you for your time and efforts to insert good values in me.
Thank you for all those lovely moments of joy and the most adorable Tom & Jerry relationship :)
Love you loads.
Stay Happy where-ever you are :)
Your grand-daughter will always try ways and means to make you feel proud.
I'm sure you would be more comfortable up there in heaven to witness the same than being in a complete chaos down here.
I'm sure God is taking good care of you, ajju and pappa :)
Enjoy and keep watching me. Sometimes also bribe God for setting an easier test on life for me.
Take care dear Papama :)
Love you and miss you.
4th March 2016 was the day of a very sad demise of my paternal grandmother- my papama
Yes she was the Tom Cat and me Jerry little :)
We used to fight endlessly and have also loved each other unconditionally.
The grandmother-grand daughter relationship was indeed a roller-coaster ride. From being pampered to the core, to feeling insecure and negative; we've had all kinds of positive and negative experiences.
Going through the stack of photo albums, I feel so blessed to have been born in this family.
I can proudly say, I have been raised like a princess. Somewhere now the emptiness brings in weird thoughts. Every little thing keeps reminding me of you, Papama!
Looking back I feel all lost now. Your sad demise has now made our family of 6 members to just two. Life never stops surprising us. However the unpleasant surprises always seem a little long lived. But we must always hunt for the plus points :)
The Jaya Bachchan poster at bridge, your shelf, the dusty table in the drawing room reminds me of how you were a tiny sweet little lady resembling Jaya Bachchan(as per my observation), how you would never sit quiet for a single moment and would constantly keep working and cleaning.
Had you been here now, things would have been perfect. But there's also peace in leaving stuff here and there with a guarantee that you won't be cleaning and changing it's position and later engaging us in it's hunt on you being forgetful of it's new position.
Last Saturday when I reached early, I kept ringing the bell for a while and later realized that now is the time to use the extra keys which are always lying in my bag. Mom is always there to open the door when I reach home late night but your absence is always felt in bits and pieces.. in every small little incidences.
We still link you with something or the other. Looking at the recent photographs I still feel how destiny and time play games with us and life is just so unpredictable. Who knew a healthy you would drain down in a month's time and would not be with us today? :(
I have complained in and out regularly about you. You have been utterly strange in your behavior most of the times and I could understand your problems along with your old age- identity crisis and still have lost my cool over it.
The Tom and Jerry sessions were going on in full swing where all of a sudden things turned too serious. It is after you left, I've felt so empty all of a sudden.
How I wish I could make you feel better with your age problems and insecurity that made you behave in a strange way.!
I know you didn't do that purposely. I can understand what an emotional upheaval might be gushing inside you since years after your husband's and son's death that made you change your way of thinking than following the rational way.
How I wish I could be your counselor, a psychologist , a better friend to make things simpler!
How I wish I could hug you once more and then fight again the very few minutes later!
But yes, I was blessed to get a chance to take good care of you in December and whole of January :)
Amidst the career storm, being idle and feeling low, you kept me busy and away from my depressing thoughts. Soon we could share the happiness of my very much positive results and I was glad that you were able to register the same in such a serious health condition.
Sorry for being too strict with you those last few days but it was for your health. I knew it was way too uncomfortable for you but I just could not help.
I began to feel what growing up and being alone is all about when I began to lose the friend in you. There have been times in life, in families, in various relations when things change all of a sudden, where I could not share things freely the way I did or discuss any problem and there used to be times when you could not understand my behavior due to my suppressed thoughts and everything used to be totally messed up.
This is a common thing but sometimes we never know it might grow in too deep without our knowledge.
It is in your absence I reminisce those little joys, those incidences that bring a smile and sometimes makes me cry. Every tiny/weak senior citizen around reminds me of you.
Oh Papama! you were an important part of my life. How I wish we had a longer time of togetherness! How I wish you could see me excel in my future targets! I know you were a proud papama and sometimes I would end up being cranky over you for boasting my tiny immaterial achievements to everyone.
I have no regrets but then I really wish if I could make some more stuff better for all of us.
I know one has to go when the predetermined time arrives but the "How I wish..." never ends.
I'll miss you always dear papama :)
Hugs to you in the heaven :) pass them to dad and ajju as well.
A Month without YOU so far was inexpiable.
Thank you so much for pampering me to extent of making others feel jealous :)
Thank you for your time and efforts to insert good values in me.
Thank you for all those lovely moments of joy and the most adorable Tom & Jerry relationship :)
Love you loads.
Stay Happy where-ever you are :)
Your grand-daughter will always try ways and means to make you feel proud.
I'm sure you would be more comfortable up there in heaven to witness the same than being in a complete chaos down here.
I'm sure God is taking good care of you, ajju and pappa :)
Enjoy and keep watching me. Sometimes also bribe God for setting an easier test on life for me.
Take care dear Papama :)
Love you and miss you.
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